In this article, "Healing" is about emotional, behavioural and mental personal development, about the work we do in order to change and improve our mental wellbeing.
Have you noticed how painful it is sometimes to change bad habits? to break the cycle of negative thoughts? to change the way we talk to ourselves, or to include healthy practices in our lives?
Here is what happen when we change:
1) The epiphany:
First comes a moment when we acknowledge something is not working for us anymore: it can be realising our anxiety or stress level is out of control and we are physically suffering from it through for example panic attacks, irritability around people, over-reactions, etc. It can also be through negative feedbacks from others and from life: relationships or jobs ending without truly completely understanding why, harsh criticisms, etc.
When we understand our ways are not working for us anymore (not for others, for us), we also feel a sadness that takes us in-between atonement and grieving. The past will have to be left behind and we have no idea were we are headed.
On top of that, our body and mind start to get organised to change habits and thoughts. The thing is, as resilient predators, we are programmed to avoid unnecessary changes in order to save energy for potential danger. This epiphany not only brings sadness but also announces to our body, mind and habits that they are under threat: it is like announcing a significant workforce reduction within a company. Staff will start defending themselves, proving their value while experiencing extreme stress.
2) Finding a Solution:
Once that epiphany has been accepted comes the challenge of understanding what we want to leave in the past, what we want to become and how to do it.
This requires brainstorming, reaching out to professionals and whoever could advise, challenging ourselves more, etc. Yet thinking outside the box, meeting with new people, conceptualising and seeking solutions translate in our bodies in the creation of new neural pathways. We are physically creating new connections between neurons and it is exhausting: that in itself is a major demotivating force.
3) Implementing and Testing Solutions:
Now comes the moment to change ourselves and try different options: during steps 1 and 2, we discovered new vocabulary, new ideas, we were challenged and already starting to be physically tired. Because of all this new knowledge and the changes in the body, our sensitivity to other people's energy is increased: we know more, therefore we perceive more. Testing new solutions is also exhausting on many other levels:
It makes us clumsy as we have to learn everything all over again, it questions our intuitions all the time as we try to learn a better way to listen to ourselves, it removes bad habits but the self-confidence needed to build a new foundation is still fragile.
During that phase, it is common to:
- be overwhelmed yet capable of finding a safe place to regulate all emotions,
- look for time alone and crave new connections to others at the same time,
- change food needs, interior design, sports, looks and friendships.
=> It is therefore important to sleep more, to spend more 'me' quality-time, to check if food supplements are needed, to be kind and patient with yourself and - if possible - to communicate on what you are going through in order to avoid misunderstandings.
4) Finding Clarity and Peace again:
Although this step's title looks promising, it is not always that simple: sometimes enthusiasm can lead to believe that some solutions from step 3 are definitely better than others, only to understand a few months later that it wasn't true.
Failing over and over again at getting ourselves out of the uncomfortable zone of personal redefinition can lead at the same time to a general state of exhaustion close to a burnout, and to a strong healthy confidence in our ability to cope well with everything.
Calm and clarity can finally emerge from this storm: the feeling of sadness from step 1 is usually not there anymore and a state of inner-peace during crisis can become noticeable.
"The path to paradise begins in hell" said Dante Alighieri: while the reason why we often need darkness to appreciate light can remain a mystery, the pain from healing can bring a deep and authentic inner-peace.
コメント