Natural disaster, witnessing violence, losing someone, surviving an accident or a difficult childhood, being bullied, breaking up, fleeing a country, etc., whether a trauma is:
- acute - single incident,
- chronic - repeated events, e.g. domestic violence, bullying on social medias,
- or complex - mix of acute and chronic traumas and coming from different sources e.g. childhood neglect and abuse,
it takes us from living confidently in our bodies and environments to a state of protection against (against potential danger, against additional waves of traumas, etc.). If it is not processed and dealt with, this state of protection can damage or break our connection to others and ourselves.
What happens after a traumatic event?
The body and mind reorganise themselves in order to anticipate potential similar threats. This wonderful survival mechanism allows us to constantly evolve and adjust in new environments. Now, when a trauma is not properly processed or keeps happening (e.g. child abuse), it constantly activates the body as if "something could happen". The priority becomes lonely survival: the connection to the environment is broken or damaged. The sympathetic nervous system - the one meant to get us out of danger through fight or flight responses - doesn't switch off. It therefore blocks the parasympathetic nervous system who in turn can't work at relaxing the body and insuring all basic functions such as digestion, good quality sleep, cells' repair, etc.
At many levels - physical, emotional, psychological, etc. -, the environment doesn't look like a playground filled with opportunities but like a field of potential new traumas.
What are the consequences?
As Bessel von der Kolk explains in his book The Body Keeps The Score, when victims live with anger, their bodies are constantly angry, when they live in fear, their bodies are constantly afraid. The unbearable reality of traumas make us want to disconnect from all that could remind it - ourselves included -, and yet at the same time we organise ourselves in order to avoid or survive better in case it happens again.
Several symptoms indicate trauma: general exhaustion, confusion, sadness, anxiety; agitation/ feeling fidgety, impatient, late or in a hurry without any reasons; numbness, dissociation from the body or past memories, confusion, physical arousal and high levels of adrenaline, out of the blue flashbacks of traumatic moments, intense emotions/ emotional rollercoaster, aggressiveness or people-pleasing, difficulties and frustrations in setting boundaries, etc.
A trauma can be so overwhelming, so unbelievable/ impossible to explain, that the mind and body can be in constant guard, anticipating danger in a state of high-alert: if this survival mode keeps on going, it becomes the new "normal" and life is not about moving forwards towards exciting goals or enjoying what's out there for us. It is about protection: it is about strategies and reactions to the environment in order to protect ourselves.
That said, healthy boundaries are protection too. But here the boundaries reflect the intensity and nature of the trauma revisited through memories and perceived through emotions: with traumas, we can switch from a relaxed connection to the environment, to others, to our bodies and our emotions, to a 'survival mode' type of protection; from trust and confidence to feeling unsafe.
What to do?
This article can't cover all options available to restore confidence and feeling safe, but here are a few things to start with:
- Talk: even if you sound agitated, over emotional, it doesn't matter because it will get better and better;
- Relax your body through healthy habits: meditation, exercise, healthy foods, drinking lots of fluids (without alcohol), getting to bed at the same time every day and trying to have 7-8 hours of sleep, etc.
- Celebrate the positive in your life, extend that joy to future events: what worked today? if nothing worked, what inspires you in life, what makes you smile? how would you like tomorrow to go?
- Try to win at a few things: for example, doing your bed in the morning or cleaning one shelf in your kitchen, etc. Achieving a goal, as simple as it is, helps with confidence and mental health.
- Spoil yourself and avoid unhealthy habits: every time you think of alcohol, drugs, unhealthy foods or habits, try to bring your focus on something positive and healthy that brings you joy, such as a long bath, booking a weekend away, calling a good friend, etc. It won't necessarily make bad habits disappear but it will free time and attention for pleasant experiences.
- If possible, try to connect with your community and/or friends.
- If needed, get help - you can contact here.
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