The American Psychological Association defines mental healing as "the process of alleviating or attempting to alleviate mental or physical illness through the power of the mind, typically using such methods as visualisation, suggestion, and the conscious manipulation of energy flow." Here I also include all steps taken in order to insure that mental health is fully supported, which would also include the 'deep work' - this step when we heal the past, (re)connect with out true self, question and change our psychological patterns, behaviours or limit beliefs, etc.
When we think of "healing", we often think 1) appointment with a Doctor 2) Doctor's diagnosis 3) treatment plan, consisting of medications and maybe a few routines changes. We receive an external knowledge (the diagnosis) and swallow pills, follow a new diet or add exercise.
Mental healing consists of changing patterns that are not helpful any longer: we do it to reach a state of mental wellness, in order to live a fulfilling life and to reach our personal goals (e.g. become a happy and successful entrepreneur, live in harmony with friends, express ourselves with confidence in public, etc.).
We aim at gaining mental autonomy and control on our thoughts, behaviours and feelings in order to live happily - instead of enduring erratic emotional ups and downs, or witnessing ourselves overwhelmed by some behaviours (e.g. phobias, emotional food intake, addictions, etc.) or some thoughts (feeling gloomy or lost in a storm of negative thinking, feeling stuck due to limiting beliefs, etc.).
It is a very active process that requires motivation and determination because the goal is your personal independence, your ability to be your own therapist, your best friend and your true self all at the same time.
The idea is to reposition yourself at the centre of your own life and to gain the ability to get yourself back there whenever you need rebalancing or whenever you identify new challenges and necessary changes in your life.
Here is a list of painful truths about healing:
- Although the goal is to be happy, it is sometimes so difficult to change that it can create: deep disappointment in yourself when you witness yourself resisting change, tears, moments of needed loneliness that are not always understood, times of hyper sensitivity to your environments (social, work, family, etc.) that can make you irritable or can lead to misunderstandings, physical exhaustion, mixed feelings about everything, outbursts of sociability followed by complete isolation, difficulties to plan in advance, etc.
- When you heal, you are trying to get yourself out of patterns that were once vital to you. Getting rid of them can be as painful as grieving.
For example, someone who grew up in a dysfunctional environment and couldn't find a way out could have developed depression, which helped cope with external stressors and maybe helped numb internal pain. Once the external stressors are removed (e.g. beginning of adulthood), changing all thinking, behavioural, social and emotional patterns to live without depression can be very difficult and painful. It's like learning to live again, almost all from scratch, and without the external display of healing (e.g. plaster cast or bandage) that tells others to be patient and kind.
Also, it means negotiating with yourself: if you get rid of something that once helped you, how do you replace it? what proves you that the replacement will secure the same level of advantages you had with this pattern? We are programmed to save energy whenever possible, in anticipation of potential difficult times: before giving up on something, even if it does make perfect sense, our 'system' as a whole will try to limit the energy investment and will start by asking those sensible questions.
It can therefore also feel like you are fighting against yourself.
- Time doesn't heal everything: your determination and your efforts will. It also means that you don't need to passively wait for time to do its magic, you can set your own goals + steps to get there, enjoy the process and see yourself grow.
- Visualisation of your goals is excellent and important, but it requires to accept to do the work that will get you there. For example, someone who wishes to become very rich and isn't succeeding yet, but keeps having limiting beliefs about money - "I don't deserve it, rich people are mean and immoral, I don't need much money and shouldn't pretentiously ask for more, etc." - without addressing them, will likely need to find a way to align thoughts/ beliefs/ goals on the concepts of 'money' and 'being rich'.
- Sometimes it is difficult to see where you are going, even when you have a goal: the journey is filled with surprises and shifts in the situation - healing is not a linear process with its own timeline. There is a form of contradiction in the idea that one hand, you aim at gaining control on your emotions and thoughts, and on the other hand, you are letting go and accepting that you don't have complete control on how precisely you will reach your personal goals.
Be patient and kind with yourself, and remember: seeing yourself becoming the best version of you is highly rewarding. Remember also that there is no deadline, you are not late or failing, your priorities and feelings matter and you can reach out for help.
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