"Bella:"Look, you gotta give me some answers."
Edward:"Yes... No... To get to the other side... 1.77245...""
(dialogue from the movie Twilight: Edward was giving multiple choice questionnaires type of answers when Bella was craving for deeper explanations on who he truly is).
Answers. Don't we love them...!
They provide us with a sense of control on our environment and certainty on our future. And yet, some questions are never answered, and some answers are never fully satisfying: why is it sometimes so difficult to accept?
The need to control the future by insisting on getting clear answers is a symptom of anxiety, not a relief from it.
But asking questions in order to organise the future and gain visibility - not control - is a positive thing to do in order to address potential anxieties. In this case, we are understanding our options through our questions, we are open to different types of answers, you are not trying control the outcome. This mindset changes the way we ask our questions.
Let's take a simple example: there is a train strike and trains' cancellations: should the passengers ask for the next available train, a refund through a complaint, or for the best route? Should they focus on the anxiety and uncertainty caused by the sudden change of plan and how they feel powerless, or should they focus on arriving at destination?
It is a subtle difference but it is important to remember that our way of asking a question can give power to our anxieties instead of helping us manage them: when we try to control everything, anxiety is dictating us to do so. When we accept that some questions might not be answered, we are increasing our ability, our capacity to deal with uncertainty.
There is another aspect to the anxiety of 'not getting an answer": why is it so vital - more than looking in a different direction? Is it triggering something else? It might be more about the question than the answer.
If you find yourself obsessing on getting answers or anxious because of a lack of answers, you can try this:
- Pause and remember that you can control the question but not the answer. If you feel like there is a storm inside of you, write it down or talk to someone about how you feel (not about the answer you are looking for);
- Ask yourself what is your true priority: is it reflected and communicated in the question?
- Who else went through the same process? Who (person, organisation) could help you see things under a different light? How did other managed and what do you think of their results?
- Imagine what would happen if you never get any answer: how would you cope? what would you do? Would it be that terrible?
#cognitivebehaviouraltherapy#selfawareness#selfconfidence#cbt#cbttherapy#hypnotherapy#hypnotherapyonline#hypnotherapyforanxiety#hypnotherapyheals#kinesiology#energywork#shiftyourenergy#selfempowerment#selfempowermentjourney#mindbody#mindbodysoul#mindbodyconnection#healing#mentalhealth#mentalhealthawareness#mentalhealthmatters#mentalhealthrecovery#mentalhealthadvocate#mentalhealthsupport#mentalhealthblogger#personaldevelopment#personaldevelopmentjourney#personaldevelopmentgoals#selfcarematters#confiself_#loveyourself#healingjourney
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