Do you want more of something in your life? More love, more attention, more kindness, etc.?
Here is a 3-steps process to get you there:
1) Reshape your thoughts:
Start by talking about what you want, in a positive way. Screen your inner speech and eliminate all sentences that have a negative word in it, such as "no", "not". For example, don't say "I don't want annoying and clinging people in my life anymore", "here it comes! they are going to do it again, so irritating", etc.; instead, say "I like kind and respectful people", "I enjoy it when I can be independent and still part of a supportive network". "I like it when they do XYZ".
It might feel like you are talking about the same thing, but in reality, our words are like a stage-whisper or a note on the side of a theatre play script that is meant to give the tone. Those are just a few words but they are meant to guide the spectators in a precise direction and make them feel a certain way. In those little words - less than 1% of the script! - lies the interpretation, the vibe, the mood of the entire show.
Do you want your vibe to be about the past, those boring situations or people you are trying to avoid? Do you want your vibe to be about complaining? I am sure the answer is no.
Therefore, focus on what you want in your thoughts, and focus your inner voice and words on that goal.
2) Focus on behaviours that align with what you want:
Notice and describe all behaviours you have witnessed in your past, you witness in your current life or that you wish to experience more often. Be thankful for them, rejoice when you think of them.
For example, if you want more attention because you feel invisible, list those times when people gave you a form of attention you enjoyed. For example, "They took the time to actually listen to me!", and list all the details that made the situation special - e.g. they had lots to do, they didn't really know you well yet they offered kindness, etc.
If no example comes to your mind, imagine what it would look and feel like: e.g. it would be like the smiling person at your favourite coffee shop yet for free, or like a colleague randomly asking how you feel (and listening to the answer) in exchange of nothing.
We easily learn by imitating others or by role-playing: if you don't have the right environment, it is important to understand what you don't want anymore AND what you would like to experience.
Understanding what you don't want anymore is like defining the area in which you will be playing - the demarcation of the playing field. Understanding what you would like to experience is like defining the rules of the game in order to play - and eventually have a good time and maybe even win.
You can't play a game and win if they are no definition of the game - just a playing field. When you know the rules, you can build a strategy, learn from your mistakes, exchange with others about how to become better at it. You are in the game, you have a chance to win.
Rejoicing and being grateful will help you build a positive experience around those behaviours and will reinforce the desire to experience more of them.
3) Practice:
Just like we engage in a physical activity (gym, running, etc.) when we want to build more muscles, practice points 1) and 2) ideally everyday.
It can be difficult to focus your thoughts on your goals instead of complaining, especially at the beginning. It can feel like playing a game alone, without seeing positive results. Allow yourself to vent out what hurts or annoys you in an organised way - journal it for example - but spend the same amount of time (ideally more) thinking about your goals in a positive and constructive way.
Imitate those behaviours you like: you might not get any reaction at the beginning, but it will gradually lead you to situations and people that value it.
Let people know when they do things you enjoy with a simple "thank you", "you are so good at this!", "love it".
#confiself_#cognitivebehaviouraltherapy#hypnotherapy#goals#dreamscometrue#theeffortsthatpay
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