We know what our schedules look like: we build to do lists, make appointments, meet deadlines and organise vacations in advance. We get ready, if necessary we anticipate how to dress and behave, and sometimes we even know in advance how all those moments are likely to make us feel - anxious, excited, happy, wary, etc.
Sometimes, daily life, work and routines end up being us showing up for all those necessities and obligations.
And sometimes, the reason why we carry out all those duties gets lost in the process.
We tend to forget that we are at the centre of all this with our own goals, ideas and values, and that all those appointments are only there to serve us.
How to remind yourself of who you are in the process?
Instead of asking yourself "what does my day/ week/ month look like?", or instead of anticipating how things might go and how we should act and behave, what about starting with the question: "How do I want to feel?"
It's a subtle difference, but a strong reminder that you can decide in which direction you are going, you can decide to make the most of all daily obligations according to your goals (short, medium and long term) and not according to how those obligations will treat you and make you feel. You are switching your energy from being a passive player on the field to being a challenger or winner.
For example, let's say you have a meeting with a domineering boss or client that never allows you to share your ideas or make suggestions: you can endure it, get yourself ready to ignore your natural ability to take initiatives and share brilliant ideas, or you can decide that today you will feel stronger, empowered, or calm, curious, understanding, etc. You are not changing others, you are changing your approach and refocusing on you.
When you ask yourself how you want to feel, you are not deciding on what to do, on how to cope and survive. You are deciding on how you want things to go: you are repositioning yourself at the centre of your life and reorganising your priorities.
Just because you can't change your environment (e.g. your boss, your job, etc.) doesn't mean you are stuck. You can still change yourself: It doesn't mean accepting anything or forcing yourself to like something you normally hate. It means being aware of what's best for you and looking at your day or week ahead as if it was a playground where you will get what you want. You might not win all the time, but you are part of the game, you can learn, find new ideas and opportunities for yourself. You are moving forward with your life.
Let's turn back to the example of the meeting mentioned before: let's imagine you want to feel rewarded for your ideas. The authoritarian boss or client is not an obstacle or source of frustration anymore: worse case scenario, that person becomes a player from the opposite team when you want to score a goal. But at least now, you are not passive anymore, you have the mindset of someone who can build a strategy and a way around (or out) in your best interest.
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