We use "attribution" - defined in social psychology as "inferring the causes of events or behaviours" - almost every day. E.g., something slips through your fingers and you naturally think "that's because I am clumsy", or the favourite student of a teacher gets an excellent grade and comments around him state: "that is because that student is the favourite". What if you're not clumsy and the student worked hard to get his grade?
We often rely on attributions as a way to make sense of the social world around us: while doing so, we "mind-read" other people or situations, we assume our understanding is accurate or very likely to be true. Isn't that a gateway to misunderstandings and disappointments?
Adjacent to the mechanism of attribution lives our ability to transform an assumption into a belief, and this belief into a fact. For example:
"No additional questions on my resume and profile: they think I am not good for that job" => "They must be right" => "I am not competent enough".
"They are ignoring me: they must think I am not worthy of attention." => "I am not interesting".
Mind-reading often stems from personal fears and worries: it can reveal a tendency to catastrophise or embellish reality which in turn can reveal a lack of self-esteem.
Here are a few ideas on how to change mind-reading habit:
Turning back to previous examples, what if they have 0 additional questions on the resume simply because they knew they wanted to extend an offer? What if those people are shy?
=> 1st step is to challenge this mind-reading thought: "Is it true? can I prove it?" "could the exact opposite be true?"
It is then interesting to turn the question around and recenter on yourself:
Is more questions on a resume an actual proof that they are interested? Why is it so important not to be ignored?
=> 2nd step is to understand what personal fears and feelings hides behind.
(N.B. regarding those examples: "fear of success" and "fear of happiness" are also fears, and can lead to self-sabotage in order to prove oneself that success and happiness are impossible).
Once you have clarity on your actual feelings, it becomes possible to connect with others on a healthy base, and therefore communicate: following on previous examples, "Is there any other questions you might have? I am available if any in the future". For the last example: what about introducing oneself?
=> 3rd step is to ask and communicate.
#confiself#innervoice#personaldevelopment#focusonthegood#confidence#mindful#grateful#selfempowerment#selfawareness
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